8.5.10 Alburqurque NM
We left Oklahoma City around ten am after viewing the things that needed to be done with the AC. It turned out that it was not the original unit but one that had been installed incorrectly many years ago. It was needing major structural repairs and the guys at the RV repair place would not do it. They were saying that they would put in some blocks and it would make it more stable, but they were not sure if they could finish this up today. We had many options to consider here, but it felt as if the best thing to do was to have them put it back together again and head west. They gave us the name of a repair place in Corona, CA that they felt would be able to help us. They said you need to be in a place where you can stay around a week or so to get the work done on the roof of the Airstream.
This turned out to be a day of flat, blue skies and an audiobook to keep us going. When we got to Albuquerque, the FamCamp at the Air Force Base was partially in the trees and partially out in the open of the dessert sun. We luckily got a space right next to the bathrooms and in the shade. When we opened the door to the Airstream we found out that we had not gone through and secured all of the things that we normally do when we get ready to travel, like secure the refrigerator. We had been pushing ourselves at the RV repair place and they had been so busy and we were trying to get ourselves out of their way and we had not done our pass through inside the Airstream. Food from the fridge was strewn all over the floor. Things that had been taken out to work on the Airstream had not been put back. The bar that holds my hanging clothes in my closet had fallen out the day before and we had put all of my clothes on our two beds and the place was just covered in stuff that looked and felt like someone had come in and tossed the space.
I had a melt down. I was tired and hungry and feeling discouraged because we had been working so hard to organize our stuff, throw or give away so many things so that we could do this trip. Now it seemed as if we were daily having to deal with major challenges and I cannot dig up a space inside of myself that can smile and say, “Gee, this is fun.”
This is all becoming amplified by a pleasant woman and her husband that come over to us and want to tell us all about Airstreaming. They bring us the Airstream magazine and they call us “full timers” since we tell them we have packed up our home and put it in storage. I find myself inwardly panicking and saying, “No, don't call me that. I am not sure I can do this.” I tell Ted at dinner and he says, “Well, it is like a honeymoon, you can't give up on something so easily. You have to give it time.” I say, “Well, I am ready for the sweet part that is also about the honeymoon.”
I see and know that I can find that place when I am first physically taking care of myself, I am not tired and I can reach inside and know that I can see and feel that it going to be okay. I can stretch myself a little and take responsibility and try not to blame Ted or anyone else. But when I am tired and hungry and just plain weary, it is harder to find that place within. At this point even my inner world does not want to hear anything soothing or peaceful. It all feels like bullshit. Honeymoon, shuneymoon is what I want to say.
The wind has howled all night, but now it is calm. I feel that I can face another day on the road. I can now access that other voice within. Thank you Spirit.
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