Thank you to my Followers, Please read

Thank you so much specifically to those of you who signed up to be a follower of this blog. I truly appreciate each one of you and would like to invite each one of you to now become a subscriber of a new blog that I have started. The new blog is www.spiritexpressionbook.com To become a subscriber is free and it is my deep hope that this new site will become more interactive and a kind of online community dedicated to sharing the principles in my book Spirit Expression for EveryOne, A Guide to Living a Soul Driven Life.

I have been out of pocket as we are traveling for the last period of time. I have today posted new blogs on the new site and I would love to have you sign up at the new site and continue to comment and share your inner spirit expression with each other.

Many of you, that are not followers on this site, have let me know that you are reading the site and also send me some of your thoughts. I truly appreciate this and now invite you to please comment and post on the new site. I have begun to ask a question in bold at the end of most every post. I would truly love to hear what you have to say on each topic.

The name of our new ministry is Spirit Expression Ministry, ADL. We continue to be dedicated to the concept that each one of us has our own unique relationship with spirit and that when we can share these unique inner spiritual expressions with each other, then we can help create a world of spiritual acceptance and peace. This seems especially important in today's world of Koran burnings and religious intolerance.

Again, I thank you and invite you to a new updated experience. Hope to see you at www.spiritexpressionbook.com.

Blessings and gratitude,
Rev.Cathy Haven Howard

Magical Places

8.29.10 Lummi Island
We have been honored and in awe to be guests of our friends Jim and Mary Ross at their beautiful home on Lummi Island in the San Juan Islands. There home was built on the side of the hill overlooking the straits and other islands. Their home was built at angles to take full advantage of as much of the view as possible. It is a true panorama.

Being here I am watching the stress of the days of being on the road and having to get somewhere at a certain time, gradually fall away. Every time I would catch a new breathtaking view of the ocean from their home, I would say out, "How Beautiful!" Mary would say back, yes it is a magical place... I began to think about what that really meant, to be a magical place?

For me the magic of this place seems to be that the sky, the clouds, the ocean, the sunsets all seem to conspire to give you a gift every moment. They are always changing and moving moment by moment. It is a gift that seems to keep allowing itself to be opened every morning. I keep taking picture after picture so that I can remember all of the subtle changes.. and then I realize that is so much within the windows of this home and out on the road, that I cannot capture it all, and that is part of the magic.

The way the sun plays as diamonds on the water is part of the magic. The way the sun creates light even after it is gone from your sight is part of the magic. The ability to see the currents in the ocean and watch the constant movement is part of the magic. It is sheer delight and brings that child up to greet each moment with a deep reverence and joy simultaneously.

Magic is that place where you something happens that you did not think could happen in the way that your rational mind tells you it should. My rational mind did not think that should beauty was always available right outside your window.

Thank you spirit and dear friends for this sharing.

The Holding Up Tree

8.27.10 Lummi Island
Right after I wrote the last post on this blog, I looked out into the campground and across the little road and there was this tree. I heard this is The Holding Up Tree. I felt as if I had been given a new tree to guide me in this phase of my life. I had loved and been in communication with the Heartwood Tree for the last ten years, and now there was a new gift.

We were trying to pack up and leave the campground but I felt as if I had to take pictures and spend some time with my arms and hands on this amazing tree. Here is what I heard:

I have stood here for hundreds of years. My roots are deep and yet at the same time I hold up my arms in great gratitude. I know no other way to stand. Respect the elder wisdom of the trees and that flows within you. Know that the small things that seem so important on one day will not stand up over time. Let the water in your life pour through the ridges of your soul and let it seep deeply into your roots. For you, your roots do not have mean the things that keep you stationary, but rather that which nourishes you and waters your life. Another way of looking at this is what keeps your well full.

Remember the body soul stance that I represent. Hold up your life, your friends, your family into the great water of the All That Is.

Holding Up

8.25.10 McChord Air Force Base, outside of Tacoma WA
I keep hearing the phrase, "How then shall I pray?" It reminds me of Wayne Muellar that has written the book, How then shall we live?, but more than anything it keeps bring me back to a place of wondering how to pray, what words to use and how to really be with my requests to God.

In meditation I heard the following: Even when you pray the words "highest and best" for someone, it denotes a judgment on your part. This is not the language of spirit. We know that you are thinking that you know that there is a best place for yourself or the loved ones that you pray for, but this type of language asks for a distinction between something being better over another situation or person or thing that might happen. Do you see the difference?

At that time I felt something pour over me. It felt as if it was an expansive peace that pulled me in all directions. It felt expansive and deep at the same time. It felt as if I was tapping into something that I can only explain as a channel of frequency. It felt as if in this place there was no right or wrong, good or bad as we so want to label every event in our life. In this place there was only the sensation of knowing a connection to something beyond words and easy knowing. For me, the words that reflect this feeling is the ALL THAT IS.

I then asked the question, "Well then what words do I use?" What I saw and felt then was not really in words. It was a "holding up" sensation. I saw myself holding up each person and situation that I prayed for literally with my arms. I felt the immediate sensation of, "this is too heavy and I can't do this alone." Then I saw the image that I had during my surgery in 97, one of many hands of all different sizes and shapes holding me up to the heavens. I saw and felt that this is what we can do, hold our loved ones and ourselves up to that frequency, that place of the deep knowing of the ALL THAT IS. We can lay them on the altar of love, put them in the space where there is no judgment or control on our part, but rather this deep knowing that they are being held in the light of love that knows no earthly words of good or bad or even highest or best.

I guess I now felt as if I knew that maybe that when I have prayed for the highest and best for someone, it was really for this space of connection, one that just holds us with deep unconditional love.

I am interested in knowing "How then do you pray?"

You must be under 10 years of age

8.24.10 Salem, OR
Yesterday was a hard day. We found ourselves turning into what we thought was a way across the highway only to find it was a left hand turn lanes with a cement median for people going the other way. With the Airstream, once you have made the turn, you find that you cannot easily back up or readjust yourself mid turn. Luckily no came to make a left hand turn as we were waiting. We were able to make the turn into the parking lot. We still were shaken and could not find an easy place to eat so we went on. This is something that you do not think of when you are in a car in a new place trying to find some food. One of our biggest issues is how we can find a place where we want to eat the food and that has parking lots that can accomodate and let us turn around or get out of the parking lot. You really do not know until you turn in there and then like we found yesterday... you could be in a spot where there really is no place to park. So, here again, you are on to the new plan...

The next thing we tried was to find an RV park further up in Oregon off I5. We use Passport America, Good Sam's Club and the military famcamps as our primary camping places since they can give us discounts. I began the process of searching on my iPhone and in our books. I was not having much luck. Finally we decided to stay in Salem and Ted made the first call. The person taking the reservations began asking Ted questions that I had never heard before. He was saying things about the age of our Airstream. "It is a 1974." "I would say it is in good condition." Then he said, "what is this about? The appearance?" And then he laughed... I could tell that they were saying something about us not being in good enough shape for their RV park. Then he asked if they could give him any other numbers of RV parks in the area. I got mad. I said, "Just get off the phone." I did not want him to talk to these people any more.

I was mad. I could not believe that they would reject us for having a vintage trailer sight unseen. I love the funkiness of our Airstream, plus I like not being like everyone else when we pull into these RV parks. I don't like the fact that everything has to conform, they all have to be white or neutral colors. Everyone has to line up in the literal and figurative sense of the word. Does not seem right. I watched myself get madder and madder.

We called another place they did not ask about the age of our RV. The name of the place was Hee Hee Illihee. I felt that they must have a sense of humor. When we got here and were checking in I saw on a sign with the rules, which were extensive that once again, that your trailer had to be under ten years old. This time they could see the Airstream. They did not ask. I felt uncomfortable. I did not want to be asked the age and have to leave and find a new place to park. This RV park is new and when we spilled some cheese off our tacos on the cement before we had even ate our dinner, Ted ran inside and got the broom to sweep it up. We were very much trying to conform, not draw attention to ourselves, go along with the game plan. As were sitting outside having dinner and listening to the people next door talk trash during our dinner, I said to Ted, "This is not the way that I want to live." He said, "I know."

Get up and Walk

8.23.10 Mount Shasta CA

We traveled all day yesterday through the northern inland valley of California. We bounced along some of the roughest roads we have encountered until we came to flat lands of I5. At the end of the day we found ourselves coming into the mountains of Mount Shasta. It felt like a breath of pine air. There was even snow on the mountain.

In meditation this morning I heard: "Get up and Walk. Get up and Walk." I knew we were at a place called Abrams Lake. Ted had already reported that it was really just a pond, but I thought that I would walk out and see for myself.

Almost immediately I saw a man walking and asked him about where Abrams Lake was. He said, this is it. You can walk around it in five minutes, but this is a special place. Then he told me that he had been ill and could not have walked around the lake just a week ago. I told him to have a nice day and kept walking in the other direction. As I came around the lake, I saw him coming the other direction around the pond. He laughed and started telling me more of his story. He was in a lot of pain and welling up with tears. Again, I felt the need to keep walking. Then as I was going around the lake a second time, I saw him again. I heard, "This is why you were supposed to walk."

We ended up talking and I told him I was a minister. I told him about the Alliance of Divine Love and that he was surrounded by his unseen spirit support team. We prayed by the side of the lake. I told him that I would come back with a copy of my book. I told him about how i was told to get up and walk today. I felt that this was the reason. He willed up in tears again.

I keep learning and relearning about listening and then acting on what we hear. It sometimes does not seem to make sense at the time, but then you see the see the beauty of the All That Is working in your life. .

Letting Your soul catch Up

8.21.10 Monterey

I remember the first time that I heard the story about the villagers in Africa that walked across one of the big deserts, like the Sahara or the Kalahari. There were going to deliver a message of great importance to the people in the village on the other side of the desert. It took them days to get there and it was tiring and arduous. When they got there they came and ate and drank with the villagers. They did not tell them the message. The villagers got impatient. They said, “Why don't you tell us why you came here? The messengers looked at each other and said, “We are waiting for our souls to catch up with us. Our souls do not travel as fast as we do. When our souls get here, we will tell you.”

We have been on the road for three weeks. Today in the fog of Monterey, I am hearing, “ Let your soul catch up with you. This is a day to catch up with yourself.”

In meditation I heard the following:

This is a time to learn new skills, but they cannot be learned in the traditional way. It is also a new way of learning. At first might feel that it is rough like when you walk in bare feet over rocks and pebbles. This might feel like the inner world of your soul. All of this is as it should be. It should not feel familiar and some of the time you will cry out in pain. Some of the time you might want to abandon the journey and return to what you know as comfort and familiar. All of this is as it should be. This is not the time to judge yourself. This is not the time to use old methods of creating meaning in your life. Yes, it is known that if feels like you must give up all that has had meaning for you. A complete revaluation of what is important is necessary in this next phase of life. You have already started to see that you do not need as much as you thought that you did. Again, you throw away, give away, leave for the next one, discard and abandon the possessions and the thoughts that no longer serve you.

Now is the time to have faith. Now is the time to remember that when a space is created with intention for the good, guidance and love will flow into that space. You will not be abandoned. You will not be left standing naked with no resources. It is just that your resources and the things that you will use to clothe yourself will look very different than they did before. Does that make sense? So there might be a period of time where you feel as if you are naked and without all that held you together before, but this is just a place of transition and transformation. Think of what the caterpillar feels before it goes into the cacoon and becomes a butterfly. Doe it truly know what the next phase is going to be like and feel like?

Remember also the fast flowing river. Your journey right now is like through your traveling. Remember that is fine to kick out of the river from time to time and find that quiet pool and let your soul catch up.

Point Mugu

8.19.10 Point Mugu

As we are driving up to Point Mugu, Steph's rabbi's wife calls. Steph takes the call and her friend is really just checking in to see how Steph is doing. When Steph gets off the phone she tells me that the rabbi's wife has said, “I am just completely sure that the return of your cancer is just a glitz in the journey, a bump in the road for you. I am sure that you will be fine.” Steph tells her how much she appreciates hearing that, it really feels good to her.

When she tells me about the conversation I feel initially a little jealous, if I am to be completely honest. Several years ago, Steph's mom was undergoing heart surgery. She was in her eighties and still seemed the perfection of vibrant health for a woman her age. She had been physically active all of her life and was still so strong and alive. When Steph and I spoke before her surgery, I told her that I was sure that her mom would be fine. I knew it with all the fiber of my being that there was nothing to worry about. Her mom died on the operating table.

Since that time, I have not been able to say to others that I know with certainty that something will happen. I cannot use my connection to God or to my guidance system in such a way. Really I cannot act as if I know, when I really do not know.

So then the question becomes, what do I say? What can I say to a friend that is dealing with her second occurrence of ovarian cancer? We sat in the parking lot of a Malibu Starbucks and talked about it. I ended up saying that I can hold you up in prayer. I can ask for all of the best medical resources to be there for you. I can ask that you continue to see and feel the guidance and the love that surrounds you. That you can keep coming back to the place that allows you to receive the treatments with love and deep knowing of health and well being.

Then I found myself saying something that I really did not know I was going to say until I said it. I told her that I knew that I could say that “I had her back.” I had never said that to someone before and it felt right and a little scary when I said it. I could feel the connection and reception when I said it. Later I thought about what did that truly mean to “have someone's back.” I guess it comes from a place of protection when something or someone would come up behind and try to harm the other. You are watching out for them. When I thought about it later I heard, this is “Ted Howard” for you.

The next day I asked Ted about what that phrase meant to him. He said, “that someone is there supporting you in all ways whenever you need them. It is what I do for you.” I then asked him if he felt okay about me saying that to Steph. He said, “Of course.” And I said, “Thank you for having my back as I have Stephanie's.”

Dancing with La Calavera Death

8.20.10 Point Mugu

My dear friend Joy Forrest that died on July 29, had many skeletons in her home. None were real ones, most were plastic ones that ranged in size from large to small. She had bought most of them on her buying trips to Mexico for the boutique that she owned. She embraced the idea that she saw in Mexico of dancing with La Calavera, (death). For Joy this meant that if we realized that we were all going to die and were not afraid of it, then we could also really live more fully. So, on several occasions, we took out the larger skeletons and danced around them to Joy's spiritual rave music.

Stephanie and I have had quite a few talks about death while we have been together. She has said that she knows that we are all going to die, but that now that her cancer has come back and that Ovarian cancer is one of the most deadly kinds of cancer, she feels that death is with her much more than for those of us that are not looking so closely at it on a day to day basis. On some days she feels that she does not want to acknowledge it, but keep on affirming her deep love for life as the only way she can get through each moment.

Steph and I went to see Eat Pray Love and we both truly enjoyed it. I told Steph the next day that I felt that one of the themes of the movie was that to really live you have to face the death(s) in your life. You have to forgive yourself and also see that what you might see at first as being hard and painful, actually breaks you open into living at a fuller and deeper level. So, right now I see that this continues to be the gift of cancer, the gift of dancing with La Calavera; to live more fully, passionately, vibrantly, with great gusto into each moment. To bring our out stretched arms vastly around our hearts and pull out all the stops. This is the moment of dying into the new expanded heart, the new life that we can only slightly envision and the moment of truly embracing death.

I told Steph that I feel that she has always lived this way, with her arms and her heart out stretched to life. She has loved so passionately each moment and brought so much joy to others as she has invited you along on her joy ride. I told her that I feel that this is the marker of a life well lived. I said, that I was not sure that it really had anything to do with the amount of days and years that you lived, but rather how passionately alive with love that you did this life. I see that it is like being connected to the power source or to the big S Source. When you are there in the place of love, knowing the current, feeling your heart knowing the All That Is in every cell of your being, and being in the place of gratitude for this knowing, that all becomes wildly alive. Of course you want it to never end. Of course you want to know this is forever, but you also know that change and transformation are part of the package of the All That Is. Death does not become an end to this amazing connection, it is the transformation with the big T, it is the life force moving into a new form. If you truly dance with La Calavera, you truly dance with the big D. You love it because it lets you live life, death and All That Is in a more profound way. Death becomes Living more fully.

Vibrant Health and Well Being How does it work for YOU?

8.17.10 Laguna Niguel
Steph had chemo yesterday and we needed to take the car in to be checked because the engine light had come on. It turned out that the reason that the engine light came on was because we had lost and replaced the gas cap. The gas cap had been left at Costco when we were gassing up and they ended up charging Steph $80 to replace the cap and to turn off the engine light. Yikes!

Chemo was challenging on the level to get the IV started through the port, but easy in that it was a much shorter chemo because in this cycle there was only one med being administered.

We prayed and continued to pray that these treatment will kill the cancer cells and that healthy, vibrant cells will come into replace them. We talk a lot about what are the components of health. Where are what are you doing when you feel most vibrantly alive? What really makes the connection for you to the Source that allows you to feel the current of life pulsating through every cell of your body? What is well being to you? How does it express itself?

I would love to hear from any of you about this. Please comment. It feels really important at this time for us to really look at how health, well being and vibrant aliveness come to us, present themselves.

Down the Stairs to a new pahse of life

8.16.10 Laguna Niguel
Steph and I went to the beach in Laguna while John and Ted went to the Orange County fair. It was still one of those days when it seemed like everyone was needing to be at the beach for the end of summer. It had been hot inland, but when we got to the beach after lunch with Jan, the fog was burned off and it was perfect beach weather. The water however was really like stepping into a pool of ice cubes. They keep talking about the cool summer that they have had out here, while the rest of the country bakes in weeks over 100 degrees, or close to it. I guess the water did not have time to heat up. It really felt as if it was the temperature that it normally is in late May or early June.

We had to wait for a place to park and then walk down these set of stairs to get to this little patch of beach in an postcard cove. When I first approached the stairs with all of our gear, I thought well I do not know how I will do getting back up here. This will be a challenge.

In mediation today I saw again these stairs. I heard, "You are walking into a new phase of your life. You will need to learn new skills. We have talked about how you will need a new form of protection. There have been so many changes, but it is important for you to ask for guidance and be aware about how you respond in each situation. You will constantly be moving into different situations as you travel. You will want to be able to not see all of the new noises, people and traffic as affronts. You will want to be able to ground yourself and to create a new shield for yourself that does not dull you, but rather lets you remain vibrant rather than drained by the city and the challenges of the road. "

I see that these new skills will require a constant vigilance, a constant fine tuning and remaining open in a way that I am only beginning to perceive. I am grateful for this opportunity. Steph and I took our time getting back up the stairs. When I reached the second landing, I could see the street and I knew that I could make it. I remembered to keep breathing, took breaks and did not judge myself. When Steph and I reached the top, we said..."Wow that was not so bad.

Friends for over Forty Years

One of my parent's legacy was to keep your lifelong friends. I see now what a gift that teaching was. I have also struggled when a friend fell out of my life through us both moving in new directions. But right now I am grateful to my parents and also to my friends who have also seen the value in staying in touch over the years.

As I approach my sixth birthday I am in awe of the value of friends that I share common stories and life with. Teri/Goby on the left I first met when she was a camper and I was a camp counselor at the Girl Scout Camp at Whites Landing. She then went on to be a counselor. I was living in Europe when she got married to Michael in England in the late seventies. I stood up for her. Her primary residence is still in Wales, England but she now is in the states quite a few months out of the year. I am grateful to still be able to see her and keep this great connection.

Donna on the right was a sorority sister at San Diego State. She kept up with me through brithday cards and even cards for my two sons all through the time that they were growing up. She would send them a dollar for every year that they were old. She is such a kind and caring person. We still love to laugh about the old days in the sorority and things like how I wore green metalic painted Army boots to the Christmas party. Ted said, "Donna is really in tune with people."

Life long friends keep you with a memory of who you were and reconnect you to that young spirit that still lives within. I am grateful.

Living by the screams of the Roller Coaster

8.15.10 Laguna Niguel

A day in the city of San Diego. We left in the late morning to drive down to San Diego to have Steph take her dad to Hairspray at the theatre in downtown San Diego. We thought that we had left in plenty of time so that we could pick up her dad at the retirement community, go to Costco to return an item and drop them off at the theatre for a two o'clock show. As soon as we got on the freeway there was stop and go traffic that continued all the way to San Diego. Steph travels to see her dad on a regular basis and she said that she had never seen it like this. There appeared to be no rhyme or reason, but possibly just a lot of people trying to go to San Diego for what may have been one of the last weekends before some of the schools start in the area.

We were so late that we were not able to take her dad to Costco or get him something to eat before the play. Ted and I dropped Steph and her dad off at the theatre and then found our way out of downtown San Diego and over to Mission Bay. We were going to meet my sorority sister Donna Sinclair at my camp friend, Teri Brewer's (Goby) home in Mission Beach. Again we confronted some of the worst traffic we had seen. I guess that every person that we saw on the freeways going down there must have been coming to go to the beach in Mission Beach because there was absolutely no place to park in what seemed like miles around the roller coaster park. We finally used found a spot and ended up meeting Donna at the corner and walking in with her. We each had taken over a half an hour to find a spot.

When we got to Teri's she was not there. She also had been traveling south on the five and it had taken her from 9:30 to 2:30 to get down to San Diego from LA. We were all frazzled.

I used to live right on Mission Beach Blvd in my last semester at San Diego State. My little shack of a house was no longer there, but the wooden roller coaster was and Harry's market had moved around the corner. The young girls were still screaming as the old wooden roller coaster dropped them to the ground and plunged them up hill again. There were many new condos that had replaced the olderr buildings especially on the bay and the ocean, but I still love the little courts with the houses built in the twenties.

Memories flooded back of living a block from the bay and a block from the ocean. Still one of the most amazing places to live with such great sailing on the bay and the wildness of the ocean so close to each other. When I lived there with Mary and Linda we had my brothers' Sabot sailboat that they had made from a kit. We used to store in behind our house and then we would walk it down to the bay, plop it in and go for a great sail. I also remember that I I went swimming on my 22nd brithday in the ocean on November 6th. It was cold but I felt as if I was doing a wonderful act of courage in honor of my birthday. Not sure I will do the same this year for my 60th.

The beach seemed packed and noisy and the walk ways were filled with people walking, running, roller blading, riding bikes, ringing the bells on their bikes as they passed each other on the lanes. Teri was unsure why it was so crowded but we had a lovely time sitting out her patio and showing Ted the bay and the ocean. Then we all went to meet Steph and her dad for a great dinner back in downtown San Diego.

I was exhausted from the city when we got home. I think it is the barrage of energy that gets me, the sounds, the traffic, the people that are each trying to navigate their way through the day and their needs come bumping into yours. I really did not get a chance to look at or experience the city where I spent three and half years of my life. I was too busy trying to help Ted or Steph navigate the traffic and keep up with directions on my iPhone. I felt my job was to help us get from point A to point B in the appointed time frame. I did pop my head up on occasion and see a truly beautiful city... but I also felt the noise, the poking of all the stimulation, all the comings and goings into my energy field. Maybe we will come back when we can feel it in the winter, when it is calmer, the screams have died down and walk the beach in more solitude.

Winkle and Steph

A wold without Good and Bad?

8.14.10 Laguna Niguel Stephanie's

I had been up again a lot in the night with what I can only figures are issues around all the changes in my life, diet, traveling and being in the city. When I really checked in with my inner guidance about what was going on, I heard that I needed to call my gastro doc in Birmingham and have him look at the evantration MRIs that was done in January. I was hoping to have him refer me to a doc out here in southern California that I could go to before we left the area. I got up early and called and did not hear back from him. Increasingly I feel that doctors don't seem to be working on Fridays.

I realized that our health issues was something that we had not really checked out or planned or thought about before we went out on this trip. I spent the good portion of the day napping and trying to eat foods that I knew would comfort my system.

In the late afternoon Stephanie, Ted and I went into Laguna for the Sawdust Festival and to have dinner at a place where they had gotten a ten dollar off coupon at the coffee group that they went to that morning.

We were really hungry, but just as we were going to leave the festival, a group started playing at the little bistro area that we were sitting in. They were memerizingly good. The woman's name was Sasha Evans and she had a great violin player and drummer accompanying her on her original songs. It was a delight and it was great to see the pleasure on all of our faces from such soul-full music.

We then walked in town to get dinner and we were all tired and hungry by the time we got there. I was really worried that I had waited too long to eat and also that there was nothing that I could really be sure that it would not upset my stomach on the menu. I went with the blandest thing possible and just ate the ravioli and not so much of the sauce. I had a good night.

Late that night I talked with one of Steph's family members about hard it seems right now that her cancer has returned. We both talked about how this has shaken our faith in God. How it does not seem right that someone that is so good and filled with light might not live a long life. And why? The fairness thing seems to be still keep creeping in catching our hearts and our deep need to have things make sense.

I know that I theme for today is that I always want to understand things. I want to know what foods I ate that caused me to have my digestive issues in the night. I want to know why Stephanie's cancer has returned, or why anyone gets cancer in the first place? I also want to know why we give so much power to doctor's to tell us what to expect for our lives... and how we do not want to be wrong, but sometimes we are. Or as Ted would say, "I might be wrong."

I also see that this deep need of mine to try to understand what is going on is also tied to a need to believe that it might turn out differently than the doctors or some authority figure says it is going to. And here we are back to the land of magical thinking. Is that what we are really doing?

I do remember the guidance that I have been given about looking at it from a larger and wider view. Today I also heard that it is important to let go of the idea of right or wrong or fair or good or bad as it relates to the things that happen in life. This is not the way that spirit operates or thinks about things... it is not in God's vocabulary. So are we back to Rabbi Kushner's "When Bad things Happen to Good People?" Do I need to pick up a copy of that book again? Do I just need to give up the good/bad language all together to make it in this world right now?

Does it get much better than this?

Is this Margaritaville?

Making Plans

8.12.10 Laguna Niguel, Stephanie's

Yesterday was a day of seeing how this staying in the flow and making plans and then readjusting the plans, takes work. It seems to involve a couple of different components. One is that you need to be able to look at options. I feel that this is one of my strengths, the ability to see a variety of options, the ability to be able to communicate them and then try to move through the options and choose one and act on it.

We had planned to get going early and Ted was going to have the oil changed in the Tahoe. I would stay back and get the Airstream ready for us to store while we went south into the mass of cars that it is Los Angeles and points further south. We had planned on having lunch with my life long friend Nancy McDonough and then to go to Stephanie's and spend quite a few days with her.

I got sick in the night and was literally up all night going to the bathroom. Usually I can identify what I have eaten that caused the problem, but this time I was uncertain. We had had subway sandwiches which are usually a winner for me, so maybe it was the tortilla soup that we also had there, I am not sure. In any case once my stomach died down, I was able to get some sleep and really did not get up to start working on preparations until Ted got back from having the oil changed. We were way off schedule and we realized that we were even backed up against the time frame that they wanted us to get out of our RV space at the campground.

Then Ted called the storage people again and found out that he needed to go back to other military base where he had just been to register the Airstream and pay for the nights that we were going to be storing it. There was no rhyme or reason to this because the storage facility was on the base that we were on and why you needed to go over to the other base seemed a little ridiculous...

So now we needed to make new plans... we were clearly not going to make it to LA for lunch, now how about an early dinner? Nancy had been texting and waiting for us down in LA and we were doing our best to get all of the stuff situated in the right vehicle and pack for our trip, throw away food in the fridge and store things that did not need to make the trip to LA with us.

Making new plans not only involved communicating with each other, communicating with Nancy and Steph, but also dealing with the military regs. When Ted got back from paying for the storage, I had finished all the prep work that I could, but he said he had to make an appointment to have the guy who dealt with the storage come over from one base to the other to open up the gate at the storage facility and let us in... Yikes!!! So we ended up waiting there for fifteen minutes before he came to let us in. Make a new plan Stan... Is the last line, "

Point Mugu at Sunset