Heartwood Spiritual Center

6.12.10 Cumberland, IA

Bob and I had a pact. The vow was made almost five years ago when one of his friends here in Iowa had a child and a massive stroke at the same time. It left her for a period of time in a vegetative state. They were unsure what would happen to her and to her children.

At the time Bob had been crying and he said, “I do not want to go that way sis. Promise me that you will not let them keep me alive. I want to go like the Native Americans do and just go out in the woods and die. I will know that it is my time."”

I said, “I will promise to help with that if you promise me something. Please carry me down to the river here at the end of the road and make me a raft and just let me go down river. I want to go over the falls on that raft. You will know that it is time, and I am not sure that anyone else can or will do that for me."He said, yes to my request and I cannot now remember what we did to seal the pact.

Yesterday I met the little girl that was the cause of this pact. She was vibrant and sweet and turning five next month. I have revisited the pact in spirit. I see that Cathy has so supported Bob in all of his requests about how he wanted to life his life and on how he wanted to die.

So, what am I doing on my part of the pact? I brought my drums and my songs and I have been drumming and singing and praying with him. I know that he does not hear me in the strict sense of the word, but I know that he hears through all of his inner senses. I am feel as if I am drumming him home.

This morning in meditation I saw a vision. It was all of his friends and family coming down in procession to the river. The strong men had made a raft and they were carrying Bob's body on the raft down to the river. I felt the weight of his body but I also felt the coolness of water as we lowered in him into the river. I felt the push of the raft out into the river and the take of the water as it began to push the raft down stream. I felt the raft move in the flow at points and at others skip out into the quiet places. All the time I could feel the gentle pulling back. I could also feel something that felt more than gravity pulling the raft towards the falls. I knew that I was not really on the raft, but at the same time it felt as if Bob was living out my part of the pact. And then I was suddenly at the falls. I was going over and the release felt divine.

At the time of the “going over” all of sudden all the birds suddenly amplified their song. They were turned up in a collective singing that felt loud and beautiful at the same time. Was this their welcoming song? All I can say is that it felt gloriously cool in this hot, humid June morning.

This was written two hours before Bob died.